steelmyself | who stole your heart and the key?

Entry tags:

a forest dark,
ic

who stole your heart and the key?

In the dark, you taste something sweet and tart on your tongue, almost like apple but not quite: pomegranate juice, out of nowhere. A hint of something metallic accompanies it.

You fall down.

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"I'm trying." It leans down to dust the edge where the wall meets the floor some more. "But there's no point. This is just an illusion in a hopeless place."

[Sneezing some more, then moving to cover her nose with her hand.]

If you despise it so deeply, then why not be rid of it?

"Don't you get it? It's me."

[Shoots it a withering look.]

That isn't true. You're you. This may be a representation of who you are, but you aren't a house, Haku. You're a person.

[A beat.]

Could I find building materials here?

"I'm not a house, that's true. But I'm hardly a person, either." He pauses. "Building materials? Why?"

If you're unable to enjoy this place, then there's no need for it to exist. I'll build you something that will make you happy.

[Taking a look around for any tools, and loose pieces of brick or lumber. Just scanning with her eyes, not moving just yet.]

There are plenty of cooking and cleaning tools, but no construction tools.

The puppet-creature can't change its expression, but somehow its stare seems to hold bafflement. "I can't. I can't, not anymore."

That's ridiculous.

[A beat, before she adds, like an afterthought,]

Why not?

[Rummaging through the cooking and cleaning supplies to see if she can find anything to use as a hammer. If she can dig up nails from the house and pull lumber together, maybe...]

There's a lot of cooking supplies, including some that are generally hammer-shaped, but they're probably not sturdy enough to be used as a hammer.

"This place is nearly the deepest core of me--all the things about me that are fraudulent and fake and belong in Hell. You can't change that."

Then it seems that I may be in need of a greater fire than I had anticipated.

[She goes quiet for a while, then looks at the doll, gaze falling squarely on one of its arms -

Oh.

Then she looks at the sword in her own hand. Right. This would probably work - so now she needs lumber. More importantly, she needs nails to hold it together. Next step is feeling around for anything that might be nailed down.]

If your own falsehoods are causing you to suffer, then there's no reason for them to exist. I understand now that it's impossible for you to be rid of them through your own effort - it's dreadfully improper of me to hold you to such expectations. You're a human.

But, Haku, I'm not you.

The puppet freezes in place as if hypnotized. It speaks after a long moment, its voice a little more human now.

"No. You're not."

I'm not! So it's possible for me to do this for you.

[A beat.]

Although I'm not very well-versed in construction...

"Destroying it is impossible. I've tried. I've tried to destroy everything about myself and failed."

[... Squinting a little...]

I'm not you.

"That's true, but..." He trails off, a hint of doubt in his voice. "Will you destroy me, then?"

Of course not. I'll take you with me, if you'd like to go - however, we must do away with this house.

The puppet shakes its head. "This house is me. The very heart of my self. If you destroy it, everything comes down."

It pauses.

"You're welcome to try."

...

[There's a good, long pause. It's not really an issue of whether or not she has the right to do that - if she did do it, what would happen to him? That's too big a change. It's a little hard for her to put her finger on the details, but it leaves a bad taste in her mouth.]

If you're certain that would be the result, then I'm afraid that I must refrain. I don't believe that I could allow that to happen.

The puppet's stiff wooden shoulders seem to slump a little. "Very well, then."

I'm -

[Why can't she do it? It's not like it'd be hard to set this place on fire. He'd be happier for it. If he's her friend, if he's really her friend - then she should be able to do that much (on the other hand, considering the last time she tried to make a friend happy she got herself killed - ).

But if it's like this, maybe that's not what he needs anyway. Maybe she has the wrong idea about him. This puppet isn't that bad a representation - this man's not a human at all.

She sighs.]

If you'd like to die, then please come and find me elsewhere. I'm certain that I could kill you until you feel satisfied.

[Even if it didn't work out last time. Last time she'd known him for like an hour. Things are a little better now.]

But in exchange, there's one question that I'd like to ask. Why are you so eager to see this place destroyed?

"Haven't I said enough?" Its voice is toneless once more. "It's a false, fake thing that shouldn't exist...it distorts the world by existing. I do."

And so it's reasonable that you suffer - because your existence is a blight? Is that correct?

"It's more complicated than that. But yes. That's the heart of the matter."

Then be a blight. If you plan to suffer - if you're unable to end your suffering, Haku, then it's best that you play your role wholeheartedly.

[It's not like they can do anything else.]

"Those are my thoughts exactly." But his voice is more hollow than before.

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